Okay. I don’t use tumblr as much anymore but my friend texted me about a certain post I should read. So I guess it’s time to finally address the subject so everyone can move on.
First off I’m not gonna make this vague. I’m gonna straight up say the names, what’s the point in hiding it when everyone knows who the people are anyway.
The whole “I’m gonna deal with you” situation. The problem with us not speaking is simply that. We weren’t speaking. Mia asked me to pass along a message to Warren to pass along to you. The whole “kick Joanna out” was her message that I passed along. I didn’t know playing messenger would cost me so much. Yes, I admit I added to Mia’s message that I would be the one to ask you to leave. Why? Cause, if ever, Mia was not scared to make a scene. Angie would’ve flipped, Aika would’ve bitched. I would’ve asked you to leave WITHOUT humiliating you. That’s why I said I would be the one to deal with the situation. If you were gonna leave I didn’t want a scene. But there was miscommunication along the way which somehow ended up as I’m gonna deal with you.
I even tried to explain myself to you. But you ignored it. Then you ranted to Warren about how you don’t need me telling you how bad Mia had it. I promised Mia I would never tell her secret, but what she went through and probably still is going through is really tough.
As for the I stole your friends bit, I understand why you would think that. I never had that intention. Honestly there was a point I felt like you thought that. I nearly walked away from the group twice. If you don’t believe me, ask Warren. He probably remembers me freaking out and asking for advice. My choice was that you meant more to me. Warren asked me if I was willing to let you decide who my friends were. But I was still set on leaving until I talked to Lex. He convinced me to stay. The second time I nearly walked away was the end of mine and Warrens friendship. He told me to stay and he’ll walk away.
The “they started hanging out” bit, it wasn’t just random. Ironically, everyone started hanging out because of that damn singing performance. Me, Angie, Ace and Warren got together every Saturday to practice and that’s when power four started. We called them “Secret Saturdays” because you weren’t supposed to know Warren was in it. We got used to being together as a group. Lex was added as our 5th member which became an inside joke. Mia was added afterwards. Which is why it was kept secret Saturdays even after the debut. Warren knew you would get mad that he and Mia were chilling, so we kept it a secret. Eventually Lucky was added to the group as well. Then came Mia’s cotillion practices. Warren wasn’t with us for those, so it was okay for us to tweet we were all together. I guess that’s when you thought we all started hanging out.
You don’t know how much I blame myself for it. Everyone tells me I over react. That it’s not my fault. But I still wonder how things would’ve turned out if I didn’t ask Warren to join the performance.
One time you found a video on Warrens phone. You could see me and lex in it. The others were there but you couldn’t see them in the video cause we were watching a movie and it was dark. It was from a secret Saturday. We should’ve came clean when we got caught. But for some reason you accepted whatever bullshit excuse we came up with and dropped it.
As for the “never ever invite me along” bit. I tried to invite you as much as possible. But it was hard when it had to be a secret. Even if you chose not come because Mia would be there, Warren knew you wouldn’t let him go too. And everyone wanted Warren there. He was our number one. Then there was the time you and Mia “made up”. Warren and I were SO happy because we could finally invite you. Wrong. Angie and Ace were dating and were to scared to tell you cause they didn’t know what you would think. We had to respect their decision. So we put it off. You eventually found out but it was the time we stopped chilling. By the time summer came, you were grounded. so you weren’t invited. I was grounded too. So I wasn’t invited either. They weren’t out to get you. They just thought you weren’t allowed. Then it was Angie’s cotillion. We all stopped hanging out so they could focus, also because Warren left for the phils. By the time Warren came back, it was a lost cause. I stopped asking to invite you. Everyone was pissed at the fallout. But I still invited you to my birthday. You probably thought I was being fake. But I wasn’t. I actually wanted you there. For the first time it was an event that I got to choose who would be there without having to ask anyones opinion. Of course it was too late and you didn’t wanna go.
And you weren’t the only one depressed. I would cry to Lex so many times about us drifting. Then whenever we talked even for two minutes I would be so happy and tell him all about it. But the night I found out you hated me?
Warren ranted to Lex and Angie about having to leave the group. I guess his mistake was choosing Lex and Angie. This was near the end of summer and there was a party at Rockys. (which btw, I wasn’t actually invited to, I was already with ang and lex and they asked if they could bring me). On the way there they showed me the texts of what Warren said. It said you hated me and didn’t want me in your life. And I broke down. I couldn’t breathe. I cried nonstop all night. We eventually had to go back to Rockys, but I stayed only for a bit and asked ang to drive me home then cried some more.
Don’t think you’re the only one who wasn’t happy.
Even til now. I wanted to reach out to you. Not too long ago, I texted Christian asking for his advice. I was thinking of buying you a Christmas gift to break the ice. To my surprise he told me you weren’t friends anymore either. I really wanted to talk to you on Christmas but I didn’t know how to knowing that you hated me.
Last thing I want to say. It made you uncomfortable how Warren would talk to me. But have you ever considered why he chose me? First off, I’m your cousin. You couldn’t possibly think I was flirting with your boyfriend. And second, but most importantly, Warren chose to talk to me because he knew I loved you as much as he did. That no matter what you would do, I would still love you. Warren knew if he talked to anyone else they would turn on you and hate you. And he didn’t want anyone to hate you. So he chose to talk to me about things. Yes he decided to keep secret Saturdays from you but Warren only had good intentions. Everything he does goes back to you and his love for you. So don’t go to hard on him for it.
Who’s to know you’ll read this, but if it’s the only way to get my side to you then so be it.
